Who’s Really Got You? Finding and Trusting Your Psychological Family

Navigating relationship and family challenges in our lives can feel lonely and many people withdraw from the people who can offer them support depriving them of the connection, belonging, and compassion they could receive.  If you are feeling isolated and alone, it’s time to take stock of who is in your psychological family and reach out for support.

Gabor Mate, writing on relational healing, says "from infancy onward, we require connection with others to maintain our physiological and emotional equilibrium… Authentic relationships are healing" (The Myth of Normal).

We all have a family we’re born into – but many of us also come to realise we need a different kind of family: a psychological family. The term is explored in Pauline Boss’s Loving Someone Who Has Dementia (you can find more details in my previous blog).

As an integrative humanistic counsellor offering relationship counselling in Ealing, I often work with clients navigating the impact of family breakdown, trust issues in relationships, or feeling isolated even when surrounded by others. In these moments, knowing who’s in your emotional support network can make a real difference.

What is a Psychological Family?

A psychological family is made up of people who see and accept you for who you - a network of supportive, emotionally safe relationships that may or may not include biological relatives. These people might be long-time friends, colleagues, neighbours, or members of a group or community where you feel understood.  This concept is often referenced using terms like chosen family, emotional kin, or psychological safety in relationships.

My own psychological family includes my siblings, local friends and colleagues, old university friends now scattered across the country, a couple of online groups where I’ve found acceptance and a shared connection, and even my choir – a community built on a common desire for joy and music in our life.

Why It Matters to Know Who’s There for You

When we’re facing relationship struggles or emotional overwhelm, it’s easy to believe we have to find our way through this alone. But identifying who you do have to support you – and recognising who you don’t – can be the start of change. If your birth family relationships are hard or distant, your psychological family might be where you find the understanding and connection that lightens your load and supports you making change.

This doesn’t mean you need a huge network. Even one or two supportive people can provide grounding when you're struggling with trusting others after difficult relationships or navigating painful relationship issues.

Reflecting on Your Support System

You might like to ask:

• Who listens without judgement?

• Who makes me feel calm or seen?

• Who do I trust to be there for me when things are tough?

If you find yourself struggling to answer, that’s okay. Many people arrive in therapy because they realise their current support isn’t meeting their emotional needs. This awareness can be the first step towards finding supportive relationships that feel nourishing and safe.

Support When You Feel Alone

Whether you're trying to make sense of your past relationships or questioning how to trust others again after difficult relationships, therapy for relationship issues can offer a compassionate space to explore these questions. My integrative approach weaves together person-centred counselling, transactional analysis, and Gestalt therapy to support you in a way that feels tailored and whole.

If you’re curious to explore your psychological family – or wondering how to build an emotional support network that sustains you – I invite you to get in touch. You don’t have to navigate this alone.  I offer relationship counselling in Ealing and online.

Strong roots, wide branches - just like our psychological family, supporting us from the ground up