Finding Your Compass: How Self-Awareness Helps Us Navigate Life and Relationships

In this last holiday related blog post I’ll explore the topic of self-awareness. 

Living life in the “busy lane” can prevent us from understanding the immense wisdom to be gained being fully present in the here-and-now and being attuned to our embodied process.

Life doesn’t come with a map, but self-awareness can be a powerful compass.

Through counselling training and personal therapy, I’ve learned that when we begin to understand more about ourselves – our feelings, patterns, and choices – life can feel a little easier to navigate.

Self-awareness is a vital tool because it helps us understand why we do what we do, rather than stumbling through on autopilot. It is foundational to a counselling theory, often referred to as TA (Transactional Analysis). Eric Berne, the founder of TA, wrote “Awareness requires living in the here and now, and not in the elsewhere, the past or the future.”

Below I’ll share why self-awareness matters, what self-awareness looks like in everyday life, and how it can even help with holiday related relationship challenges.

Why Self-Awareness Matters

(Dear reader: please bear with me here I’m going to get a bit theoretical as I think this could aid understanding of the topic)

As we go through our day each of us is constantly moving through different ways of being, whether alone or with others.  These different ways of thinking, feeling or acting are called “ego states”, in TA theory and named Parent, Adult and Child ego states. Each of these states are unique to us as individuals. They develop from our past experiences and the unspoken expectations, from our families, communities and the environment we have internalised.  Without awareness, we may find ourselves reacting automatically to an event in the present based on our thoughts and feelings from the past.

Self-awareness allows us to notice which part of us is speaking or acting, the Parent, Adult or Child.  Are we responding as the nurturing (or maybe critical) Parent, the playful Child, or the grounded Adult? By recognising what is happening for us internally, we can be choiceful about how to respond to others, rather than being swept along by old habits or frustrations.

What Being Self-Aware Looks Like

Self-awareness doesn’t mean being perfect or over-analysing everything. It’s about allowing time to notice what’s really happening:

• How you feel in your body when you’re stressed, tired, or relaxed

• The emotions behind your reactions, like irritation, sadness, or joy

• The patterns in your choices – such as always putting others first, or avoiding certain conversations

• What you really value and how aligned your actions are with those values.

Here’s a little holiday example:  You are rushing around the night before your holiday trying to get the packing finished and snapping at family members.

• What might you be you feeling?  Tight shoulders, shallow breathing, tension headaches, racing heart, or a churning stomach.

• What emotions might you be experiencing?  Irritability, anxiety, guilt (“I’m not doing enough”), or resentment (“Why isn’t anyone else helping?”).

• How might you act towards others?  Trying to control every detail, short-tempered or critical with loved ones, withdrawing.

  
  

Being self-aware in this moment would be the difference between snapping, being critical of others or asking in frustration, “Why did you do that?” and gently asking yourself, “What is happening for me in this moment?”

Navigating Relationships on Holiday

Holidays can be a wonderful break – but they also highlight challenges that have not been addressed in daily life. Being in a different environment can make our patterns stand out more clearly.

Scenario 1: Clashes in parenting styles

• Challenge: On holiday, differences in discipline or routines (bedtimes, screen use, food choices) between co-parents may become more visible.

• How self-awareness helps: By taking some space to reflect you can notice what happens in this challenging situation.  You may discover how you are feeling, e.g.  “I’m noticing I feel judged when my partner parents differently.” Becoming aware of the feeling of vulnerability allows for a reduction in the conflict and opening up more collaborative conversations.

Scenario 2: Feeling overlooked or unappreciated

• Challenge: One family member does most of the organising (packing, booking, planning) and feels unacknowledged or taken for granted.

• How self-awareness helps: Pausing to notice any discomfort in your body and turning this into words -  “I’m carrying resentment because I haven’t voiced my need for appreciation” - can help turn the feeling into a clear, respectful request, instead of letting resentment simmer.

These small shifts don’t just make holidays smoother – they nurture healthier relationships all year round.

Self-Awareness as an Ongoing Journey

Developing self-awareness isn’t about judging yourself harshly or changing overnight. It’s about becoming curious and compassionate with yourself.

 Over time, deeper self-awareness can help you feel more grounded, more connected to your needs, and more able to navigate life’s challenges – whether at home, at work, or on holiday.

If you’d like to explore how therapy can support you in deepening your self-awareness and changing patterns that no longer serve you, I’d be happy to talk with you about how we could work together.

Sunlight pierces through the clouds over a serene beach, symbolizing emerging light and self-awareness amidst rolling waves.