“Productivity or Protection? What Constant Doing Might Be Hiding

When doing becomes a defence

When life feels emotionally overwhelming - after a relationship ends, amid ongoing family conflict, or under the weight of too many unspoken emotions - many of us instinctively throw ourselves into constant activity. Whether it’s intense engagement with work, organising the house, running errands, or always helping others, productivity can quietly become a coping strategy. Behind the steady rhythm of ticking off to-do lists, something deeper may be going on.

Many of us instinctively turn to productivity - not just to 'get on with things,' but to keep the pain at bay. Doing becomes a way of avoiding being.

The emotional shield of productivity

Keeping busy can create a buffer between us and our emotions. It offers a sense of control and usefulness when other parts of life feel uncertain or painful. Maybe in our past we were not given permission to express painful emotions like sadness, loneliness, anger, or rejection. Now we feel ashamed to share these parts of ourselves with others. Many of my clients express a fear of becoming overwhelmed by their feelings or overwhelming others if they talk about how they are struggling. They often find the emotional shield is not entirely protective and their overall wellbeing is impacted.

The silence that follows heartbreak, rejection or disconnection can feel deafening - and doing helps drown that out.

Emotional avoidance, while understandable, often delays healing.

What might be underneath the doing?

In counselling, clients sometimes discover that their full schedules aren’t just about getting things done. Below the surface of their constant motion, there may be grief, anger, guilt or fear - feelings they haven’t had space or support to acknowledge. When relationships change or end, productivity can protect us from having to confront the parts of ourselves that feel wounded, abandoned, or alone.

Sometimes under all the doing is a fear - of being lonely or alone, of feeling abandoned, or of recognising how much something hurt. It’s okay to notice these things without judgment.  You are not your feelings.

Permission to pause

I wonder if you recognise a pattern of constant doing?  There’s real value in pausing to ask: What am I feeling underneath all this doing? What might I be avoiding? Giving yourself permission to slow down isn’t weakness - it’s courage.

Therapy can offer a safe space to explore these patterns with kindness, helping you move from constant coping into genuine emotional healing. My clients find they don’t have to give up being productive; instead, they learn to move forward with greater self-understanding and self-care.

Constantly cleaning - the tension between doing and cleaning

 You don’t have to figure it all out alone or keep doing to avoid being. If this resonates with you, I invite you to reach out to me.